Donny it took me 7 years to finally forgive this human being and I written and posted my forgiveness on Substack last February 2022.
I am struggling of forgiving someone in my past , one of my surgeon (head and neck) my very first five failed harvest and transposed bones and tissues all failed. Month of August 2016 I received a phone call from my previous nurse in another facility that my aggressive surgeon is in jail for human trafficking,”with a minor”.I thought he deserve to be in jail? Then my heart hurts for his family as he has two young children? Should I forgive him?so I can move forward? At this time I was already in the best care with new teams of six different panels of stellar surgeons at Mayo.I had followed him until until I decided time to move forward. He lost his license, he could no longer practice and the worst he lost his family. Should I be happy? He was incarcerated 8/2016 for 10 years . I prayed for his victims and for his family so I can start my healing.If someone has wronged you, and you get revenge, you will be pleased for a minute. If you forgive him/her, you will be happy forever. This is very true and you sleep good at night. Jesus has forgiven us all our sin, I guess we can do the same? As I have forgiven him a month ago as I burned that anger in a fire pit. God offered me forgiveness for my sins before I was even willing to admit to them.You love me when my attitude and actions made me very unlovable. Thank you for the way you treated me with compassion. Thank you God for not giving up on me the mercy I did not deserve. Now I need to forgive someone else. And I admit I am struggling to do so . I know it is the right thing to do but I am struggling with the hurt and anger of what this person has done . First, I thank you that you offer me the same opportunity to be compassionate , loving and forgiving to others who are just as stubborn and deserving as I have been. In your model prayer you teach us to ask for forgiveness even as we forgives others. Let my act of forgiveness remind me of the incredible sacrifice of Jesus Christ so that I understand the power of forgiveness to change things-especially
me. Even if the person I need to forgive isn’t responsive , I pray that I’ll be thankful in remembrance of what you have done for me. In Jesus precious name. Amen
I'm praying for you Lucy. I understand you've been through a lot.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Remember that forgiving does not mean “accepting” or reconciling with the person who harmed us, much less to live with or feel sorry for them. Forgiving is more about restructuring the “I”, a path to repairing our suffering, our emotions and finding inner peace.
I say that the thermometer to know if we really practice forgiveness is to observe how our inner peace is.
When we truly forgive we are able to “forget” in the biblical sense, that is, we choose not to take into account what happened in the past, we don't let it take away our peace. It is what God does when He forgives our sins (Isaiah 43:25).
I know that all that you went through because of this man must have been very hard to forgive, but I also know that if you continue to draw near to God, He will help the forgiveness to come fill circle for you. Love and prayers!
Being here with you and our prayer walk weekly with Donny yes it helps tremendously to move forward. I am immensely grateful to each of you. Ms Cathey you have thought me to write and share from my heart and sometimes I don’t make sense as language is a bit of a problem but I still push it because it makes me feel good .
Lucy, my heart goes out to you! You have been through so much and yet you have one most beautiful testimonies of overcoming so much and a great positive attitude. I will lift you up in prayer along with this entire group tonight in prayer as I think we all need it. Take care and God bless you my friend!
I’m sorry your path had such large boulders in and it cause you to stumble some but also go through your pain. I know you know who has been with you. He will remain you can count on that.
I've been stewing over this one for the last few hours. I like to think I do pretty well with asking for forgiveness and offering it. For the most part, I am comfortable with extending grace and letting God deal with the justice side of things. However, I've come to realize that there is someone who I thought I had forgiven but I think there are deeper layers than I realized. This person is someone who hurt not only me but others I care about and it's dawning on me that I am able to let go of my own hurt, but I'm still carrying some "third party wrath" for those others who were wronged. I feel it whenever I think about running into that person and I get a churning in my gut that tells me I haven't dealt with all the layers. It's a complicated situation and I'm not sure exactly what I should do about it, so I'm praying and asking for prayer that God will help me peel away the layers and tell me if there's something tangible I should be doing or whether it's just letting God deal with my heart. Thanks for another great walk, Don. You always manage to poke around in places that I need to work on.
Like Jesus was looking for Nathaniel. Nathaniel thought he could hide from Jesus but Jesus knew where he was all along. We can’t hide our hearts from Him he meets us where we are. When we try to hide our feelings and hurts He finds us in them.
Donny this is such an amazing topic, I could literally write a book on this topic. (I actually have attempted to start to) I’ve had a heavy heart over the last couple days, seems like I’ve been humbled like I’m being told slow down stop my child soak in the little things. My life has not been perfect, Im not perfect and I need to forgive all that has slowly been trying to steal my joy away. I do need to ask others for forgiveness as well. Someone once told me that I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders with all I’ve been through and that you would never know because I’m always the same friendly happy go lucky person, but I however have felt my heart slowly changing... since I began my journey I have been trying to mend all that is broken in me and FORGIVENESS is a major stepping stone in this process. Please pray that I can tackle this successfully!! Love you all 🙏❤️
I’ve been stewing for days about someone I know who is lying to me, then trying to gaslight me over something simple. I've been caught up trying to prove I'm right in a sneaky way. It’s so much easier to forgive someone who just admits they are wrong, isn’t it? Ha! Right now, I can hear what a Religious Day Education teacher said to me one time when I was whining about being wronged, “Think how God feels.” Whoa!
Ok, I’m going to put my passive-aggressive hat away & try to be more Christlike. Wish me luck! Or better yet, pray for me. Thanks! xoxo
I am praying for you now. May God grant us all the wisdom to see people as He sees them and love them as He does. Especially those who hurt and wrong us.
Matthew 5:46 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers,[i] what more are you doing than others?
I’m very taken with this prayer walk today. I’m ok with forgiving someone who goes out of their way to hurt me. But I’m different when it comes to hurting my child. I’ve written their name in the form of initials here. D,K,A,A,F,M. I’ve taken the time to forgive them based on desiring God to forgive me. Matthew 6:15 commands that if I want the Father to forgive me, I must forgive those who have hurt me. My child has been hurt in ways that cause me huge hurt and I would like to lash out at them. I also have to consider my child’s feelings and I can’t just verbally do that. So I have prayed about them and out of love for Jesus forgiven them and myself for wanting to return that hurt. You’re a dear for pointing this out to all of me.
Forgiveness starts with ourselves. Sometimes we are so hard on ourself we forget about forgiven ourself. That's where it starts. If GOD forgives that is the most important thing. Blessings.
Donny, I recently went through another layer of forgiveness in which I had held on to for years. Forgiveness is a very personal, but so needed to release. I didn't realize it was buried, or if I did know about it, I made the choice to bury it. I truly believe God brought it to light a few weeks ago for me to resolve or forgive so I could move forward in whatever plans He has for me. Three years ago, I really thought all that was forgiven, but it wasn't. Over the years, the regrets and resentments that I had against my parents, which were so untrue and self-manipulated by me, took its toll. It took its toll on me both physically and mentally. It was not an easy process for me to go through. Honestly, it was brutal. It hurt like the dickens, but in the end, it had to be done for me to move forward. Personally, I'm tired of holding on to the past. When I say I'm in a much better place now, I mean with my relationship with Jesus. And when things or these thoughts come to pass, and if there is someone or something I need to forgive in the future, hopefully, I won't bury them and not be afraid to discuss whatever with that person. I'm one that doesn't like confrontation, but that has mostly to do with debating about my faith which I won't do. We're all a work in progress as I know I am, but reflecting back to that weekend to where I'm at now, I feel I'm stronger in my faith which usually happens when we go through something. I will say, when you do forgive, you end up receiving a certain freedom that can only come from God. Thank you Donny for sharing your heart with us each week.
Thanks Angela! Indeed God's work is perfect. His timing is always perfect too. I am doing so much better now. I had to release which I believe now was another layer of the forgiveness as Donny put it so well in this week's prayer walk. It was messy, but it had to be done so God could show me the path He wishes for me to follow. Thank you Angela!
Forgiveness is such a large topic and easy to skip right over. I don't think in today's world most even give it a thought, its not taught in the home usually and school no, It's all about you. For us older folks I was taught that I needed to forgive as a child by my parents and church. I believe when we seek to forgive God brings forward what we can handle at the time, that's why it's always layered and there is always something you have to forgive yourself of, a negative thought or action. I find I have to deal with myself first and how I responded or didn't. God will always bring to mind its will I be obedient.
A wonderful book with a Bible study attached is Forgiving What you Can't Forget by Lysa Terkeurst
Wow! These comments are so dear to read. Every story has so much to it. I will be praying for all. I believe, David, your comment hit me a bit because you focused on a piece that resonated with me in particular. FEAR! When I listened, Don, the pieces that stuck out to me were the layers that take time and patience to peel through. But, fear, is what holds me back. Fear of being hurt again and fear of not really trusting that he (someone, not God) will take care of me. I know God has me! I don't fear that at all, but do I really trust God with all of this situation...I am not sure if I still feel fear that I won't be hurt again. This is very tricky! I will continue to ponder and pray on this subject. I have been dealing with this particular situation for years, so it is deep routed and has lots of layers. I will say that a blessing that has come from it...this community! If I had not been going through some pains, I don't think I would have turned to Heartland, which introduced me to to Graham which led me to Donny which led me to this beautiful community! I am eternally grateful. AND...I certainly would not be writing a book about my journey of overcoming a life of fear! Prayers for each of you and for our Lord to come in and keep tapping us!
It took me 52 years to forgive my father for what he did to me as a child. He was long gone before I did that so never to his face. He passed when I was 17. I do feel more at peace now. The thing I never dealt with is my Mom. I loved her with all my heart and can’t understand how she knew what happened and didn’t do anything. I let that go to because I know with 5 kids and no job to support us back in those days, she didn’t have much choice.
What I still need to work on is how I behaved while I was working. I was always so stressed that I would yell and say nasty things to my co-workers at times. I would almost immediately apologize for my actions but it was already out there. Words cannot always be erased. Now that I have retired, I am at peace much more and do not fly off the handle
My biggest issue is when Kim refuses to eat and only sleeps, I get angry with him. Because he then ends up being so weak. I am not sure how much time I have left with him so spending it being angry is not good for me or him. Of course when things blow over things are good again.
I am blubbering so I will end this now. Thanks for listening.
Hi Jan! Hang in there girl! I have no idea what that situation would be like with Kim, and undoubtedly it is hard. Like we say sometimes which is a lot harder most of the time than we'd like, but take a deep breath, breathe, & walk away for a few minutes then come back. I'm keeping you in my prayers dear friend! Take care and God bless!
Interesting that my Tuesday and Wednesday devotionals were about forgiveness – I use the Youversion app, which means I don’t choose the topic – lol
I also found it interesting that this was the first walk that has no biblical indication. Any reason for this?
Well, I'm definitely not a passive person and I don't shy away from confrontations. What is good and bad!
It's good, because I talk about what bothers me, so the anger is not held back (sometimes it is - lol).
Bad because this characteristic can be the trigger to hurt the other, so it's my daily struggle (that's why I do therapy - lol).
By the way, don't you think that these layers that appear in the forgiveness process, as you mentioned, wouldn't be easier and less painful to go through them with the support of a professional? Another question: have you ever had therapy or are you thinking about doing it to treat “the pain”? (Please don't take this as "judgment", I just think we all have "pains")
I liked the question: Are we actively looking for people we need to forgive? I believe that the Holy Spirit reveals to us, it may be that "stubbornness" prevents us from listening, but He does. That's why it's important to be in a community or church, because some "rituals" help us to identify, for example, the Holy Supper (it often happens to me, the Holy Spirit speaks - "epa" reminds of that moment or that person?.. .).
How good it is to have the Holy Spirit guiding us!!!
- There are no biblical references because that's what I felt led to do.
- I have tried counselling. I did not find it helpful. I went through a few different ones and felt they had nothing to offer or challenge me. All I saw was the psychological "game" they were playing and would catch myself wanting to "play" and win the game of who could out think the other. That said, I did meet a counsellor that was very wise and kept it biblical which intrigued me. We have become good friends and have attended hermeneutic and apologetics discussions together.
Counseling is just not something that works for me.
I figured the absence of references would be something like the walk you didn't mention where you were, thanks for answering
Psychology is a delicate area to think about in biblical standards, I specialize in Organizational Psychology, I'm not a clinician, but I've seen great work done by Christian Psychologists.
When you say that you went through some counselors and it was not helpful and you only saw a “psychological game” maybe it is because there is a significant difference between a psychologist and a counselor, it is a fact that both can advise, but understand the mind and identify the origin of the problemsthat affect the mind and behavior, it is necessary to have scientific bases that counselors do not always have.
Well, if you participate in apologetic discussions you know that there is a basis of psychology in this area, didactically, I would say that in mediating intellectual “tensions” you are using or being influenced by psychology.
But what matters is what the Word of God says in 1 Thessalonians 5:23.
I love these discussions Donny, I learn so much, thanks for listening to me.
Forgiveness....Interestingly enough, a very close family member and I are at odds right now. The problem being that I think we each feel that the other needs to apologize. I am extremely hurt and therefore not ready yet. He probably feels the same. I just don’t know what else to say.
Taken me a while to comment on this one as it really revealed to me that I have to forgive members of my family for choices they made which have affected our lives in a huge way. There are other people I need to forgive for various reasons too.I also need to forgive myself for not being the person I needed to be for them too. I thought I had dones o in both cases but there are still layers there that I need to work on the forgiveness. Thank you for this Prayer Walk Donny and for making me look at myself in a new light.
There are many reasons that trigger a feeling of non-forgiveness. I would call non-forgiveness resentment. Resentment comes directly from a fear that these hurts will happen again. And that is a scary feeling. A helpless feeling. Like when will it stop? It's a protection mechanism. The thing is, how you were hurt is usually how you treat yourself in some way or fashion (though it may manifest in other ways), so looking at it that way can help you release yourself from the circle of punishment because you can see that by truly letting go and giving it to God, you free yourself from yourself.
That being said, there is a danger in concept/virtue of 'forgiveness' that comes in the form of lying to yourself about it. In relationships that are still going, there can be a desperate attempt to reconcile sometimes, without giving ourselves the time to mourn and truly figure out what happened in our hearts. In our fear of abandonment we can betray ourselves with a lie to ourselves (inadvertently). Without fully understanding what you are holding resentment for, is betrayal of not only yourself but the person you hold resentment for because they are not being held accountable (consequences) for their actions and therefore will continue to hurt not only you again but themselves. It's a very complicated and complex virtue to talk about - I applaud you for taking it on.
David, I agree! It took me years to let go of the resentments I had. Hardest thing for me was to forgive myself. I’m hard on myself but I know that. They still come up from time to time but they are lies and they don’t stay around as long thank goodness. Always a work in progress.
Donny it took me 7 years to finally forgive this human being and I written and posted my forgiveness on Substack last February 2022.
I am struggling of forgiving someone in my past , one of my surgeon (head and neck) my very first five failed harvest and transposed bones and tissues all failed. Month of August 2016 I received a phone call from my previous nurse in another facility that my aggressive surgeon is in jail for human trafficking,”with a minor”.I thought he deserve to be in jail? Then my heart hurts for his family as he has two young children? Should I forgive him?so I can move forward? At this time I was already in the best care with new teams of six different panels of stellar surgeons at Mayo.I had followed him until until I decided time to move forward. He lost his license, he could no longer practice and the worst he lost his family. Should I be happy? He was incarcerated 8/2016 for 10 years . I prayed for his victims and for his family so I can start my healing.If someone has wronged you, and you get revenge, you will be pleased for a minute. If you forgive him/her, you will be happy forever. This is very true and you sleep good at night. Jesus has forgiven us all our sin, I guess we can do the same? As I have forgiven him a month ago as I burned that anger in a fire pit. God offered me forgiveness for my sins before I was even willing to admit to them.You love me when my attitude and actions made me very unlovable. Thank you for the way you treated me with compassion. Thank you God for not giving up on me the mercy I did not deserve. Now I need to forgive someone else. And I admit I am struggling to do so . I know it is the right thing to do but I am struggling with the hurt and anger of what this person has done . First, I thank you that you offer me the same opportunity to be compassionate , loving and forgiving to others who are just as stubborn and deserving as I have been. In your model prayer you teach us to ask for forgiveness even as we forgives others. Let my act of forgiveness remind me of the incredible sacrifice of Jesus Christ so that I understand the power of forgiveness to change things-especially
me. Even if the person I need to forgive isn’t responsive , I pray that I’ll be thankful in remembrance of what you have done for me. In Jesus precious name. Amen
I'm praying for you Lucy. I understand you've been through a lot.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Thank you🙏❤️
Hey Lucy, I pray for you!
Remember that forgiving does not mean “accepting” or reconciling with the person who harmed us, much less to live with or feel sorry for them. Forgiving is more about restructuring the “I”, a path to repairing our suffering, our emotions and finding inner peace.
I say that the thermometer to know if we really practice forgiveness is to observe how our inner peace is.
When we truly forgive we are able to “forget” in the biblical sense, that is, we choose not to take into account what happened in the past, we don't let it take away our peace. It is what God does when He forgives our sins (Isaiah 43:25).
Be well and God bless you!
Thank you so much I am in tears reading this, I will definitely save this as my reminder “I” a path of repairing . I just read this verse.❤️🙏
Oh Lucy, I'm glad you read the verse and have this comment as a reminder.
God bless her!
Thank you so much Angela and I will be reading this verse often.
Really well said and clarified Angela - yes the 'forget' in the biblical sense is perfect! Thanks for sharing!
You're welcome, David! 🙏🙌🇧🇷
I know that all that you went through because of this man must have been very hard to forgive, but I also know that if you continue to draw near to God, He will help the forgiveness to come fill circle for you. Love and prayers!
Being here with you and our prayer walk weekly with Donny yes it helps tremendously to move forward. I am immensely grateful to each of you. Ms Cathey you have thought me to write and share from my heart and sometimes I don’t make sense as language is a bit of a problem but I still push it because it makes me feel good .
Lucy, my heart goes out to you! You have been through so much and yet you have one most beautiful testimonies of overcoming so much and a great positive attitude. I will lift you up in prayer along with this entire group tonight in prayer as I think we all need it. Take care and God bless you my friend!
I’m sorry your path had such large boulders in and it cause you to stumble some but also go through your pain. I know you know who has been with you. He will remain you can count on that.
I've been stewing over this one for the last few hours. I like to think I do pretty well with asking for forgiveness and offering it. For the most part, I am comfortable with extending grace and letting God deal with the justice side of things. However, I've come to realize that there is someone who I thought I had forgiven but I think there are deeper layers than I realized. This person is someone who hurt not only me but others I care about and it's dawning on me that I am able to let go of my own hurt, but I'm still carrying some "third party wrath" for those others who were wronged. I feel it whenever I think about running into that person and I get a churning in my gut that tells me I haven't dealt with all the layers. It's a complicated situation and I'm not sure exactly what I should do about it, so I'm praying and asking for prayer that God will help me peel away the layers and tell me if there's something tangible I should be doing or whether it's just letting God deal with my heart. Thanks for another great walk, Don. You always manage to poke around in places that I need to work on.
Like Jesus was looking for Nathaniel. Nathaniel thought he could hide from Jesus but Jesus knew where he was all along. We can’t hide our hearts from Him he meets us where we are. When we try to hide our feelings and hurts He finds us in them.
For sure. Wasn't trying to hide, but may have been in denial. And now that I know, I have to confront it.
I hate when it comes to doing that.
Cathey, may the Holy Spirit continue to guide you about this situation and give you guidelines for dealing with it.
Thank you, Angela! Your prayers are coveted and appreciated!
Cathey, I will lift you and everyone else up tonight in prayer. Forgiveness is a sticky subject as each layer or case if you will is different.
Thank you, Anne!
Donny this is such an amazing topic, I could literally write a book on this topic. (I actually have attempted to start to) I’ve had a heavy heart over the last couple days, seems like I’ve been humbled like I’m being told slow down stop my child soak in the little things. My life has not been perfect, Im not perfect and I need to forgive all that has slowly been trying to steal my joy away. I do need to ask others for forgiveness as well. Someone once told me that I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders with all I’ve been through and that you would never know because I’m always the same friendly happy go lucky person, but I however have felt my heart slowly changing... since I began my journey I have been trying to mend all that is broken in me and FORGIVENESS is a major stepping stone in this process. Please pray that I can tackle this successfully!! Love you all 🙏❤️
Thank you for sharing.. I am praying now
I will be praying for you right now🙏
Praying, Heidi!
Heidi, I will lift you up in prayer!
You are in my prayers, Heidi!
Good timing, Donny ~
I’ve been stewing for days about someone I know who is lying to me, then trying to gaslight me over something simple. I've been caught up trying to prove I'm right in a sneaky way. It’s so much easier to forgive someone who just admits they are wrong, isn’t it? Ha! Right now, I can hear what a Religious Day Education teacher said to me one time when I was whining about being wronged, “Think how God feels.” Whoa!
Ok, I’m going to put my passive-aggressive hat away & try to be more Christlike. Wish me luck! Or better yet, pray for me. Thanks! xoxo
I am praying for you now. May God grant us all the wisdom to see people as He sees them and love them as He does. Especially those who hurt and wrong us.
Matthew 5:46 But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers,[i] what more are you doing than others?
Jan, I will pray for you!
I’m very taken with this prayer walk today. I’m ok with forgiving someone who goes out of their way to hurt me. But I’m different when it comes to hurting my child. I’ve written their name in the form of initials here. D,K,A,A,F,M. I’ve taken the time to forgive them based on desiring God to forgive me. Matthew 6:15 commands that if I want the Father to forgive me, I must forgive those who have hurt me. My child has been hurt in ways that cause me huge hurt and I would like to lash out at them. I also have to consider my child’s feelings and I can’t just verbally do that. So I have prayed about them and out of love for Jesus forgiven them and myself for wanting to return that hurt. You’re a dear for pointing this out to all of me.
Forgiveness starts with ourselves. Sometimes we are so hard on ourself we forget about forgiven ourself. That's where it starts. If GOD forgives that is the most important thing. Blessings.
God does forgive 🙂
Donny, I recently went through another layer of forgiveness in which I had held on to for years. Forgiveness is a very personal, but so needed to release. I didn't realize it was buried, or if I did know about it, I made the choice to bury it. I truly believe God brought it to light a few weeks ago for me to resolve or forgive so I could move forward in whatever plans He has for me. Three years ago, I really thought all that was forgiven, but it wasn't. Over the years, the regrets and resentments that I had against my parents, which were so untrue and self-manipulated by me, took its toll. It took its toll on me both physically and mentally. It was not an easy process for me to go through. Honestly, it was brutal. It hurt like the dickens, but in the end, it had to be done for me to move forward. Personally, I'm tired of holding on to the past. When I say I'm in a much better place now, I mean with my relationship with Jesus. And when things or these thoughts come to pass, and if there is someone or something I need to forgive in the future, hopefully, I won't bury them and not be afraid to discuss whatever with that person. I'm one that doesn't like confrontation, but that has mostly to do with debating about my faith which I won't do. We're all a work in progress as I know I am, but reflecting back to that weekend to where I'm at now, I feel I'm stronger in my faith which usually happens when we go through something. I will say, when you do forgive, you end up receiving a certain freedom that can only come from God. Thank you Donny for sharing your heart with us each week.
Anne,
God's work is perfect and He will finish the "good work", keep going, you are doing very well.
"I am sure that he who began a good work in you will complete it" Philippians 1:6
It's inspiring to follow your journey!
I pray for you my friend and sister in Christ!
Thanks Angela! Indeed God's work is perfect. His timing is always perfect too. I am doing so much better now. I had to release which I believe now was another layer of the forgiveness as Donny put it so well in this week's prayer walk. It was messy, but it had to be done so God could show me the path He wishes for me to follow. Thank you Angela!
Forgiveness is such a large topic and easy to skip right over. I don't think in today's world most even give it a thought, its not taught in the home usually and school no, It's all about you. For us older folks I was taught that I needed to forgive as a child by my parents and church. I believe when we seek to forgive God brings forward what we can handle at the time, that's why it's always layered and there is always something you have to forgive yourself of, a negative thought or action. I find I have to deal with myself first and how I responded or didn't. God will always bring to mind its will I be obedient.
A wonderful book with a Bible study attached is Forgiving What you Can't Forget by Lysa Terkeurst
Wow! These comments are so dear to read. Every story has so much to it. I will be praying for all. I believe, David, your comment hit me a bit because you focused on a piece that resonated with me in particular. FEAR! When I listened, Don, the pieces that stuck out to me were the layers that take time and patience to peel through. But, fear, is what holds me back. Fear of being hurt again and fear of not really trusting that he (someone, not God) will take care of me. I know God has me! I don't fear that at all, but do I really trust God with all of this situation...I am not sure if I still feel fear that I won't be hurt again. This is very tricky! I will continue to ponder and pray on this subject. I have been dealing with this particular situation for years, so it is deep routed and has lots of layers. I will say that a blessing that has come from it...this community! If I had not been going through some pains, I don't think I would have turned to Heartland, which introduced me to to Graham which led me to Donny which led me to this beautiful community! I am eternally grateful. AND...I certainly would not be writing a book about my journey of overcoming a life of fear! Prayers for each of you and for our Lord to come in and keep tapping us!
It took me 52 years to forgive my father for what he did to me as a child. He was long gone before I did that so never to his face. He passed when I was 17. I do feel more at peace now. The thing I never dealt with is my Mom. I loved her with all my heart and can’t understand how she knew what happened and didn’t do anything. I let that go to because I know with 5 kids and no job to support us back in those days, she didn’t have much choice.
What I still need to work on is how I behaved while I was working. I was always so stressed that I would yell and say nasty things to my co-workers at times. I would almost immediately apologize for my actions but it was already out there. Words cannot always be erased. Now that I have retired, I am at peace much more and do not fly off the handle
My biggest issue is when Kim refuses to eat and only sleeps, I get angry with him. Because he then ends up being so weak. I am not sure how much time I have left with him so spending it being angry is not good for me or him. Of course when things blow over things are good again.
I am blubbering so I will end this now. Thanks for listening.
Hi Jan! Hang in there girl! I have no idea what that situation would be like with Kim, and undoubtedly it is hard. Like we say sometimes which is a lot harder most of the time than we'd like, but take a deep breath, breathe, & walk away for a few minutes then come back. I'm keeping you in my prayers dear friend! Take care and God bless!
Interesting that my Tuesday and Wednesday devotionals were about forgiveness – I use the Youversion app, which means I don’t choose the topic – lol
I also found it interesting that this was the first walk that has no biblical indication. Any reason for this?
Well, I'm definitely not a passive person and I don't shy away from confrontations. What is good and bad!
It's good, because I talk about what bothers me, so the anger is not held back (sometimes it is - lol).
Bad because this characteristic can be the trigger to hurt the other, so it's my daily struggle (that's why I do therapy - lol).
By the way, don't you think that these layers that appear in the forgiveness process, as you mentioned, wouldn't be easier and less painful to go through them with the support of a professional? Another question: have you ever had therapy or are you thinking about doing it to treat “the pain”? (Please don't take this as "judgment", I just think we all have "pains")
I liked the question: Are we actively looking for people we need to forgive? I believe that the Holy Spirit reveals to us, it may be that "stubbornness" prevents us from listening, but He does. That's why it's important to be in a community or church, because some "rituals" help us to identify, for example, the Holy Supper (it often happens to me, the Holy Spirit speaks - "epa" reminds of that moment or that person?.. .).
How good it is to have the Holy Spirit guiding us!!!
Thanks for the walk!
Hello Angela,
to answer your questions:
- There are no biblical references because that's what I felt led to do.
- I have tried counselling. I did not find it helpful. I went through a few different ones and felt they had nothing to offer or challenge me. All I saw was the psychological "game" they were playing and would catch myself wanting to "play" and win the game of who could out think the other. That said, I did meet a counsellor that was very wise and kept it biblical which intrigued me. We have become good friends and have attended hermeneutic and apologetics discussions together.
Counseling is just not something that works for me.
Hello Donny,
I figured the absence of references would be something like the walk you didn't mention where you were, thanks for answering
Psychology is a delicate area to think about in biblical standards, I specialize in Organizational Psychology, I'm not a clinician, but I've seen great work done by Christian Psychologists.
When you say that you went through some counselors and it was not helpful and you only saw a “psychological game” maybe it is because there is a significant difference between a psychologist and a counselor, it is a fact that both can advise, but understand the mind and identify the origin of the problemsthat affect the mind and behavior, it is necessary to have scientific bases that counselors do not always have.
Well, if you participate in apologetic discussions you know that there is a basis of psychology in this area, didactically, I would say that in mediating intellectual “tensions” you are using or being influenced by psychology.
But what matters is what the Word of God says in 1 Thessalonians 5:23.
I love these discussions Donny, I learn so much, thanks for listening to me.
Forgiveness....Interestingly enough, a very close family member and I are at odds right now. The problem being that I think we each feel that the other needs to apologize. I am extremely hurt and therefore not ready yet. He probably feels the same. I just don’t know what else to say.
Thank you for sharing Donna I am praying now that God will guide your steps and you will hear His voice
Praying for both of you, Donna. Sometimes family is the hardest of all.
Thank you
Taken me a while to comment on this one as it really revealed to me that I have to forgive members of my family for choices they made which have affected our lives in a huge way. There are other people I need to forgive for various reasons too.I also need to forgive myself for not being the person I needed to be for them too. I thought I had dones o in both cases but there are still layers there that I need to work on the forgiveness. Thank you for this Prayer Walk Donny and for making me look at myself in a new light.
There are many reasons that trigger a feeling of non-forgiveness. I would call non-forgiveness resentment. Resentment comes directly from a fear that these hurts will happen again. And that is a scary feeling. A helpless feeling. Like when will it stop? It's a protection mechanism. The thing is, how you were hurt is usually how you treat yourself in some way or fashion (though it may manifest in other ways), so looking at it that way can help you release yourself from the circle of punishment because you can see that by truly letting go and giving it to God, you free yourself from yourself.
That being said, there is a danger in concept/virtue of 'forgiveness' that comes in the form of lying to yourself about it. In relationships that are still going, there can be a desperate attempt to reconcile sometimes, without giving ourselves the time to mourn and truly figure out what happened in our hearts. In our fear of abandonment we can betray ourselves with a lie to ourselves (inadvertently). Without fully understanding what you are holding resentment for, is betrayal of not only yourself but the person you hold resentment for because they are not being held accountable (consequences) for their actions and therefore will continue to hurt not only you again but themselves. It's a very complicated and complex virtue to talk about - I applaud you for taking it on.
David, I agree! It took me years to let go of the resentments I had. Hardest thing for me was to forgive myself. I’m hard on myself but I know that. They still come up from time to time but they are lies and they don’t stay around as long thank goodness. Always a work in progress.